Thursday, May 31, 2012

Fat-Ass Slackers Anonymous

My name is Angie, and I'm a slacker.
I'm also a fat-ass.  A slacker fat-ass.

Can I confess something?
Even though I try so hard to love myself and accept myself-I don't.
I hate my body.  I hate that I'm fat.  I hate that I'm flabby.
I am filled with disdain for this shell I carry around.

When I walk into the kitchen the voices in my head sing
 "Fatty fatty, two by four, can't fit through the kitchen door."

Next confession?
I am fully aware that this is something I have the power to change.
Every day I tell myself I'm going to make better choices.
I'm going to drink more water.
I'm going to give up sugar.
I'm going to exercise.
Every day I fail.

I mean seriously.
I'm at my highest weight ever.
I went to Torrid (the fat girl store) and barely fit in the biggest size I've ever worn.
That really makes you feel like shit.

So why?
Why is it that I can't stick with anything?
That I can't remember to drink water?
That I still eat like crap even though it doesn't make me feel good?
That I don't get up and be active?

Seriously, how do I get motivated?
I need some tips.


camille yanair said...

oh i wish you didn't feel this way. i know i have to motivate myself by giving myself *tiny* goals and then when i meet those it pumps me up to make another goal so i can meet it....(i.e. i made myself run for 5 minutes, then 10, then challenged myself to get a mile in 10, then 2 miles in 15, etc)

Brenna said...

Friend- this post speaks to my heart! I feel completely identical to this! I even made a motivation board that sits in front of me... while I eat crap and dont exercise! UGH!

Aubrey S. said...

Angie, it makes my heart hurt to read this post. I wish that you didn't feel this way. I think you're awesome, and that it doesn't matter what you look like.

That said, no matter what anyone thinks, I understand that you want to feel good about how you look.

My thought is to pick one tiny change. (Say it's drinking xx ounces of water each day.) And focus on making only that change every day for 2 weeks. Once you've made that one a habit, add another tiny change.

Even though your list of June goals doesn't seem like that much on paper, too many things easily snowball into feeling like an all or nothing situation.

And you have to give yourself credit and be proud of the little changes as you make them. No more belittling even the smallest victories.

Aubrey S. said...

And tell us about your victories so we can celebrate them with you =D Sometimes your friends are the only ones who can get you to stand proud when the inner critics are screaming at you.


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