I found this adorable Bento set at the little Asian market down the street from me. I'm using it to make some healthy lunches, in this case (today) I have a bunch of veggies and some Ranch dressing. How cute and useful is this? I'm loving it, and since I'm back on Weight Watchers and all I have to do is count points for the ranch, all of the veggies are 0 points. It's about 4-6 points depending on the amount of Ranch I choose. :)
Well it's 2015 now and I have officially sucked for far too long. I've sucked at updating this blog, and I've sucked at actually getting my health under control. How do I make myself accountable? I have no clue... Really I don't.
I don't want to feel this way anymore. Tired, sluggish, out of breath, completely and utterly depressed... I have been so depressed. I've spent the past few weekends curled up on the couch. I let the laundry and dishes pile up, barely picked up after myself, and left the house only for work and a very rare outing. Otherwise I watched all eight Harry Potter movies and the entire series (from start to current) of Parenthood. What the hell Angie?
What the hell indeed. I'm in a terrible funk. It's not like I don't recognize the issue, or the constant cycle of issues, or how to fix it-I do. I know why I feel this way, and why I perpetually make it worse because I feel this way causing me to feel worse, and that I need to get off my ass and do something about it-something that includes eating healthier, cleaning my damn apartment, and going to the gym. I just don't do it. What I don't understand, is why I can't stick with anything. Why when I do get going and I'm doing well, I stop abruptly and then stay stopped for months until I just can't take it anymore.
Why is that? I don't know. But all I can do is begin again right? And again and again and again-if history has it's way. It's all mental. I self-sabotage and psych myself out. Somewhere deep down I'm terrified of the change I have to make. I dream of being able to go shopping without stressing that nothing will fit me, to be able to get naked in front of someone with the lights on, to not feel out of breath on hikes with cute boys... But I've always been "the fat girl." What will I be if I'm not her anymore?
It's psychological, and I've toyed with the idea of seeing a shrink for this very purpose. Has anyone ever seen a therapist for weight loss related issues? I also have awful anxiety, so obviously it would help that too, but specifically I need help sticking to a plan for weight loss and I wonder if a therapist can help with something like that.
Otherwise I just need to knuckle down and make myself go to the gym when I don't want to. Make myself have a cup of tea when I'm craving something. Make myself drink water. Make myself eat veggies until all I crave is veggies. I can do it-I'm pretty sure I can-if only I apply myself. When I want chocolate, or ice cream, or burgers-2015 SAYS NO!
No more feeling this way. No more slacking when I know I can do better. No more full weekends of sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself and stuffing my face as I binge on Netflix. No no no.
How have you been? How are you now?
I just got pretty real, feel free to do the same in the comments.