When you've grown up thinking of yourself as the "fat girl", it's hard to move beyond that mentality and think of yourself any other way. While I've not experienced it for myself yet, I've heard from many people that even after they lost all the weight and got fit they still think of themselves at the fat girl. The same goes for how other people see you. When you've learned the hard way that some people just don't like fat people, or just aren't attracted to girls of a certain size, you learn to start judging yourself based on those perceptions; even though you try not to.
I have come a long way on learning to love myself for who I am even as I work towards changing the things that need to be changed, but it all unravels when I start dating someone new and wondering what they think. I know that there are men out there that don't care if you're heavy-or they even like it-but it doesn't stop the thought process from going through your head, especially if you haven't met in person yet (God I hate online dating). Will he like me? What if he thinks I'm too fat? What if I don't look as pretty in real life as my pictures? What if... What if... What if... It all comes apart.
For example, I've recently begun talking to a friend of a friend who managed to track me down to ask me out via Facebook. So I did what any normal person does-ask my friend about them. First normal stuff like "What is he like?" and then there's always that one question that is my downfall (at least I've learned not to ask that person and sound super insecure) comes up-"Does he like fat girls?" So I asked my friend just that and he never answered my question.
Friend
Girl you shouldn't even ask that question.
That shows how insecure you are about it.
Me
I know, that's why I didn't ask him-duh! lol
Friend
Well, stop.
No one is happy with their body Angie.
LOOK AROUND.
We all hate our bodies.
We're all trying to lose weight.
Me
Some are worse about other people's bodies though...
Friend
If he's interested he'll be able to look past it.
I hate weight issues, but I'm with [his boyfriend] and he's got a belly-we both need to lose weight.
But I'm with him for him and not his temporary situational possibly gone in a month belly.
Girl seriously you need to drop that out of your head. I'm serious.
Our thoughts create our reality.
Change your thoughts-reality will create itself around them.
It takes time but it's foolproof.
People love you because you are epic. Focus on that.
Make your thoughts reflect on your weight as "a minor issue that is temporary"
I see myself as skinny. I ignore that I hate pictures that show my weight.
I only focus on anything that shows me in the best light possible.
But when all is said and done no one likes their body but it's best to love what you've got.
And let the healthy weight come when it can work into your life.
I don't worry for long. I don't get hung up on all those "what ifs". Eventually I remind myself that if that person has a problem with what I look like-they're not for me. It's none of my business (as my roommate reminds me) how someone else feels about me-I can't control that. I can only control how I see myself and go from there. Sometimes though, it just takes a little reminder.
